Sentence+Structure


 * CHAPTER 9: SENTENCE STRUCTURE **

9.1 Introduction 9.2 Stating the Subject Simply 9.2.1 Long-Winded Sentences 9.2.2 Buried Subjects 9.3 Expressing Action 9.3.1 Active Voice 9.3.2 Strong Verbs 9.4 Keeping Verb Tense Consistent 9.5 Cutting Unnecessary Prepositional Phrases 9.6 Modifying Correctly 9.7 Using Parallel Structure 9.8 Avoiding Negative Constructions 9.9 Varying Sentences 9.9.1 Sentence Patterns 9.9.2 Sentence Length 9.10 Making Sentences Flow Logically 9.11 Choosing Appropriate Tone


 * 9.1 INTRODUCTION **

The way sentences are arranged affects how well readers interpret meaning. Subjects are clearer and thoughts flow more logically when sentences are simplified. This chapter examines some common mistakes technical communicators make and provides suggestions for improvement. The chapter also includes student examples from the PTC 624: Professional and Technical Editing course.


 * 9.2 STATING THE SUBJECT SIMPLY **

Sentence structure should be direct, with a clear subject/verb/object or subject/verb/complement order. The subject and verb, in addition, should generally be placed toward the beginning of the sentence.


 * 9.2.1 Long-Winded Sentences **

Sentences should introduce the subject quickly to avoid reader frustration. In the following example, the introductory phrase overpowers the subject “ePortfolio,” and several words separate the subject and the verb. The revised example states the subject with more clarity.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * An online collection of technical communications projects from the NJIT program as well as from professional work, the ePortfolio is an ideal tool for helping MSPTC students demonstrate their skills. || The ePortfolio helps MSPTC students demonstrate their skills by displaying an online collection of technical communications projects from the NJIT program as well as from professional work. ||

Source: Rude, “Place the Subject and Verb Near the Beginning of the Sentence” (257).

// For more information: // To learn more about effective sentence patterns, see Rude, “Sentence Arrangement” (257-59). For information about which verbs require objects, see //Chicago// 5.98 (transitive and intransitive verbs) and 5.101 (linking verbs).


 * 9.2.2 Buried Subjects **

The main clause should reveal the most important information. Yet writers sometimes bury the subject in a subordinating clause.

In the following example, the writer stresses the years worked and the former employer. In the revised example, the writer stresses the job skills that are desirable to the potential employer.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * I worked at Pearson Longman for five years, where I managed the development and production of multimedia projects. || I managed the development and production of multimedia projects for five years at Pearson Longman. ||

Source information: A subordinating conjunction “introduces a clause that is dependent on the main clause,” as per __Chicago__ 5.187. Rude discusses keeping the sentence’s focus in the main clause in “Use Subordinate Structures for Subordinate Ideas” (256).

// For more information: // To learn more about uses of subordinating conjunctions, see //Chicago// 5.188.

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 * 9.3 EXPRESSING ACTION **

Sentences that convey strong action are more direct and energetic. This section offers two suggestions for adding life to writing: using active voice and replacing weak verbs with stronger ones.


 * 9.3.1 Active Voice **

One reason to choose active voice is to establish responsibility.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * It was noticed that your last assignment was uploaded late. || I noticed that you uploaded your last assignment late. ||

In the active voice, the subject “I” is revealed.

Source information: //Chicago// states that active voice is generally preferred (5.112).

// For more information: // //Chicago// defines active and passive voice in 5.112. //Chicago// provides examples of how to change passive voice to active voice in 5.141.

Note: Passive voice can be used if writers do not wish to reveal themselves. For more information on when to use passive voice, see Rude, “Reasons to Prefer the Passive Voice” (270).


 * 9.3.2 Strong Verbs **

Replacing a “to be” verb with a more active verb adds energy to a sentence and defines the subject’s action.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * During the Rose Period, Pablo Picasso was a painter of upbeat orange and pink harlequin scenes. || During the Rose Period, Pablo Picasso painted upbeat orange and pink harlequin scenes. ||

Source information: Linking verbs are used in a weakened sense (__Chicago__ 5.101).

// For more information: // For the definition of a linking verb, see //Chicago// 5.101.

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 * 9.4 KEEPING VERB TENSE CONSISTENT **

Maintaining verb tense within a sentence prevents confusion. In the following example, the verb tense shifts from present tense to future tense without a clear purpose.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * Click on the “submit” button. Doing so will bring you to the order screen. || Click on the “submit” button. Doing so brings you to the order screen. ||

Source information: Present tense is used for a state that occurs in the present and that expresses a habitual action (//Chicago// 5.116).

// For more information: // To review all the verb tenses, see //Chicago// 5.115-21. To learn more about the various types of verbs, see //Chicago// 5.97-104. Also see Chapter 4 of this guide on grammar and usage.

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 * 9.5 CUTTING UNNECESSARY PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES **

When possible, prepositional phrases should be cut and information should be restated for better clarity. By eliminating unnecessary prepositional phrases, writers avoid overloading sentences with words.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * The title of the course reveals a major goal of the MSPTC program: to help students master techniques of visual communication. || The course’s title reveals a major goal of the MSPTC program: to help students master visual communication techniques. ||

Source information: //Chicago// advises to avoid overusing prepositions and to strive for a ratio of one preposition for every ten to fifteen words (5.174).

// For more information: // For the definition of a prepositional phrase, see //__Chicago__// 5.166. For more help on limiting prepositional phrases, see //Chicago// 5.175-79.

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 * 9.6 MODIFYING CORRECTLY **

Modifiers should be placed near the nouns they modify to avoid misinterpretation. The following examples show two different readings of the modifier “both.”


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * The professor will both teach web design classes and chair the committee. || The professor will teach both web design classes and chair the committee. ||

In the original example, the sentence reads as if the professor is undertaking two tasks: (1) teaching web design classes and (2) chairing the committee. The revised example correctly states the writer’s intended meaning—that the professor is teaching //two// web design classes //in addition to// chairing the committee.

Source information: //Chicago// advises to place the modifying word immediately before the word it is intended to modify (5.156).

// For more information: // For information about positioning adverbs correctly, see //Chicago// 5.155.

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 * 9.7 USING PARALLEL STRUCTURE **

Two independent clauses connected by a conjunction should match in structure.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * I will wait for your review of my first draft, and your feedback will help me polish my focal points. || I will wait for your review of my first draft, and I will polish my focal points based on your feedback. ||

In the revised example, the first-person pronoun form is maintained in both independent clauses.

Source information: //Chicago// discusses changes in pronoun form in 5.47.

Parallelism should be maintained in a series of three items. The following example shows faulty parallelism.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * Professor Elliot uses three online teaching methods: class discussions, podcasts, and assigning readings. || Professor Elliot uses three online teaching methods: class discussions, podcasts, and reading assignments. ||

Source information: Rude states that related items should share a grammatical structure (“Parallelism” 183-84).

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 * 9.8 AVOIDING NEGATIVE CONSTRUCTIONS **

Creating a positive construction rather than a negative one adds clarity to writing. The following example contains two double negatives, which slow down reading and make comprehension more difficult.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * It is not uncommon for NJIT graduates not to have trouble finding employment. || Many NJIT graduates find employment easily. ||

Source: Rude, “Prefer Positive Constructions” (261-62).

Note: The word “not” is appropriate when the writer wishes to emphasize the negative, as per Rude (261-62). //Ex: Our company does not support such unethical actions.//

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 * 9.9 VARYING SENTENCES **

Sentences that differ in structure make writing more polished and rhythmic. This section covers two ways to add variety to sentences—using different sentence patterns and varying sentence length.


 * 9.9.1 Sentence Patterns **

Varying sentence patterns prevents monotonous and choppy writing. Three basic sentence patterns are simple, compound, and complex. The //simple sentence// consists of one independent clause: the subject and the predicate. The //compound sentence// consists of two independent clauses. The //complex sentence// consists of one independent clause and one dependent clause.

The following example shows five repetitive simple sentences. The revised version shows three different sentence patterns, in this order: simple, compound, and complex. In the revised example, the content remains the same, but the sentences read more fluidly.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * Edgar Allen Poe wrote American poetry and short stories. He enjoyed writing horror tales. He wrote mysteries too. His only income came from writing. He struggled financially. || Edgar Allen Poe wrote American poetry and short stories. He enjoyed writing horror tales, but he wrote mysteries too. Because his only income came from writing, Poe struggled financially. ||

Source: Rude, “Sentence Types and Punctuation” (176-81).

Note: A complex sentence should be created with the purpose to relay information effectively—not simply to use a different sentence pattern. In the revised example, the complex sentence shows a cause/effect relationship: Poe struggled financially //because// his only income came from writing. As per Rude, “Adjust Sentence Length to Increase Readability” (260).

// For more information: // For information about independent clauses and how to use conjunctions correctly, see __Chicago__ 6.32. For information about dependent clauses and how to punctuate them properly, see __Chicago__ 6.35-37.


 * 9.9.2 Sentence Length **

Changing the length of sentences makes writing flow better and helps emphasize important statements. Skilled writers vary sentences for dramatic effect, often revealing a central thought in a short sentence that either precedes or follows a longer sentence. In the following example, an emphatic short sentence is placed effectively between longer-length sentences.


 * ** Example ** ||
 * Dale Stevens, Sr., slumped in his black leather executive chair, his eyes barely noticing the pile of proposals that arrived on his desk within the hour he was gone. As he gazed out his corner office window, he reflected on all the years and hard work he put into the company—the long hours, the travel, the deadlines for which he sacrificed his personal life to meet. //None of it mattered.// In today’s corporate world, budget concerns often outweigh loyalty to employees … and Dale had become too expensive to keep. ||

Source: Tufte, “Short Sentences as Topics Sentences and as Syntactic Punctuation of a Paragraph” (23-24).

Note: Writers should consider audience when choosing sentence length and keep sentences simple if the subject matter is difficult or if the audience is international. As per Rude, “Adjust Sentence Length to Increase Readability” (260).

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 * 9.10 MAKING SENTENCES FLOW LOGICALLY **

A series of sentences should be arranged with each sentence connecting to the next, thus creating a cohesive paragraph. Each sentence’s complement should add information about the subject, and each new sentence should begin where the thought left off in the preceding sentence. The following example is adapted from a PTC 624 assignment.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * The Cardinal Health Investigative Model includes Six Sigma problem solving. As a management system, it is well known that Six Sigma is understood as a problem-solving activity that allows one to use statistical analysis to identify the root factors that decrease error and increase predictable results. || The Cardinal Health Investigative Model includes Six Sigma problem solving. Six Sigma’s problem-solving activity allows one to use statistical analysis to identify the root factors that decrease error and increase predictable results. ||

Source: Rude, “Arrange Sentences for End Focus and Cohesion” (258).

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 * 9.11 CHOOSING APPROPRIATE TONE **

Writers should avoid sounding pretentious, whether their mood is indicative, imperative, or subjunctive. Choosing a simpler form of a word or phrase is clearer and more user-friendly.


 * ** Before Editing ** || ** After Editing ** ||
 * utilize || use ||
 * interactions || side effects ||
 * the matter of paid vacation || paid vacation ||
 * difficult in nature || difficult ||

Source: Rude, “Use Concrete, Accurate Nouns” (271-73).

// For more information: // //Chicago// explains indicative, imperative, and subjunctive mood in 5.114.

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 * Works Cited **

//The Chicago Manual of Style: The Essential Guide for Writers, Editors, and Publishers//. 15th ed. Chicago: U of Chicago P, 2003.

Rude, Carolyn D. //Technical Editing//. 4th ed. New York: Pearson Longman, 2006.

Tufte, Virginia. //Artful Sentences: Syntax as Style//. Cheshire: Graphics P, 2006.